I've been putting off posting for various reasons, not the least of which is utter exhaustion, but I also feel like the change in my life that occurred two and a half weeks ago is altogether too big and grand and complex for me to put into words. It is at the same time nearly impossible for me to wrap my head around and completely natural and familiar. Being a mother is nothing more than irresistibly devoting yourself completely to another being who relies wholly upon you. For me there was no choice involved because my heart, mind and especially instinct have automatically given everything I have to this tiny new person in my life.
Samuel is growing so fast. He is a strong boy and loves to hold his head up and look around at everything. I get the sense that he is frustrated by his limited body and wants to do much more than he is is physically capable of right now. He is pretty adorable and I laugh every day at the funny faces he makes. He's not shy about letting us know when he is unhappy about something, but he is also quite the charmer when he's happy.
Well, a week and half later I am finally getting back to this post. Finding time to do the simplest things is a real challenge with a newborn! But here I am at my computer with a few precious quiet minutes on my hands so I'll hopefully get this posted today. Samuel has been waking up to eat about every four hours at night for the past few days and most of the time goes right back to sleep. The increased sleep has been great although I'm looking forward to the first time I can string eight consecutive hours of sleep together. Samuel will be one month old on Sunday. I can't believe how fast the time is passing and how much bigger he seems to me. His physical features have changed a lot since we brought home that little swollen face from the hospital. I was telling Spencer last night that I wonder what he'll look like as he keeps getting older. I feel like I am still waiting to know what he will look like, but on the other hand I feel like I've always known what he looks like because he is so familiar to me.
It has been so fun to watch Spencer step into his role of father. I love watching his face as he looks at his little boy and listening to him sing songs to Samuel as he holds him. I feel like my heart understands love a little more deeply, and not only my love for Samuel is new, I feel a new and deeper love for my husband and best friend as well. These two boys have captured my heart forever.
